so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
