My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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