I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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