I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
