I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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