a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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