Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
