i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
