The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
