Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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