So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
