Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
