my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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