Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
