It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
