Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
