Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
