Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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