You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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