I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
