Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
