sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
