i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
