What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
