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Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
50% drunk capacity currently
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
