my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
did you just send me my own nude
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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