Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
