The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
