I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
