She's JV to your varsity
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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