CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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