I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
did i just pee glitter
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
