He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize