At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
