You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
