U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
