Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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