dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
