Someone shit on the floor
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
