We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
