Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
