then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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