I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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