My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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