He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
