please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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