Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
