i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
