He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
