i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need moral support for this bender
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
