Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
