i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
