This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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