i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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