I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
