I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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