I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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