i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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