fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
