You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
