You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
