You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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