my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
